Emotional Wholeness.

'Om purnamadah purnamidam purnat purnamudacyate purnasya purnamadaya purnamevavasisyate'

'That is whole. This is whole. from that whole this whole came. From that whole when negated or removed what remains is whole.' - Upanishads.

It is not easy to let emotion flow, without twisting it into something low.
My emotional body is wild and watery. Tears accompany sadness, pain, anger, confusion, laughter, and happiness.

I want to open my heart. How do I know I'm in my heart?  I'm crying a lot. All day. And more.
However, I have to cling on,  amid this cascading water. I don't want to fall out of my heart be swept into the illusion that says my feelings are down to anyone else.

My feelings are mine.
My emotions are sourced from the well spring of my heart.
All emotion is part of the wholeness of self.

 I can still feel all of my feelings without dropping into a low attitude of blame and shame. So I cling to the cliffs of higher consciousness. 'You gotta so through it - to get to it.' 'breakdown to break through' feel it to heal it'.

It's incredible how the moment I reclaim my feelings - I feel Re-energised. Empowered. Whole.
I am a full moon. I stand strong in my Luna self. All my feelings are a part of the whole.

But Fragmented and broken down - thrown out into my world or projected onto those I love - my feelings can feel like lunacy. And My feelings Always pinch me first. Owch! Its ever so painful to watch myself behave like a lunatic. Forgetting 'I am whole'.

This journey, this space race, is to remember and embrace both - Empowerment and healing as equal parts of the whole . To empower my fullest, brightest, emotional, heart based, intuitive, Luna self.
And to heal the lunacy of the emotional body - when it is not felt and flowing. To heal the dams before they burst. To dredge the depths of stagnated and stuck emotion. Its not pretty but  I cant do one without the other.

Because I am whole. I am a full moon.
I create and I am guided by the tides of my heart.

I am the crab too , floating on the gentle waves in the sunshine, yet  tough enough to cling to consciousness and feel my emotions when the storms set in, in darkness.

I reclaim my feelings, as the crab. I heal.
I return to wholeness, as the moon. I am empowered.

Irrespective of how I may feel - I am whole.
I am energy in motion. E MOTION.

Turtle magic.

My body is borrowed.
This is my 'Earth body' and in relaxation I give it back. I surrender it back to the Earth where sooner of later it shall return. The Earth wants to hold her borrowed body - so that she can bring us both into resonance. This is healing for us both. When I hand myself over.
I feel the sea - in the waves of my breath. As I tune into the ocean of breath I feel more watery in my body. The dryness and rigidity is countered. A deep tide of expansion washes over me.
As I stand on the ground and push my feet downwards I stand strong in communion with Gaia. I bow to her, I feel a deep reverence for that which I stand for. There is strength in this. I feel her strength.
I sing down into my roots, dropping the notes deep into Gaia. Drawing her up, the notes raise to the top of my head. I am in conversation with the great mother. And it is good.
The roots speak of survival. I follow them into the confusion, what to do, who to believe, which way do I go. I feel the fear, can she cope? I feel tightness, tightness of fear gripping around my heart. And she speaks - 'Give it to me child of Gaia, give me back your earth body, surrender the fear , let go your confusion, soften yourself, give me space to heal us'
I lie back, I fall back, back into love, again and again, I fall in love with Gaia. We become one in love.
I dive into an ocean of love. In the waters of love, dry rocks become tiny pebbles, grains of sand. And Fear dissolves. I am out of fear. I am in love. And it is good.
This love gives me different eyes, I see beautiful Gaia all around me. She is in the clothes on my back, the floor of this house, and the books on the shelf.  All material things. All the borrowed things.
I sit up alert to her, with tears in my eyes, and I kiss the borrowed floor, I kiss my borrowed hands.
I feel love. I tell her I love her. I promise not to hurt her. I promise to serve her.
This is healing for us both.
Gaia reminds me everything is borrowed. Take care of it. Receive this abundance with gratitude. Give back gracefully, Never waste. Be respectful. Steer clear of fear, it is a dry barren land. Be kind. Dive into the deepest waters of your heart.  Again and again and again remember what is borrowed and Fall back into Love. Lie on the earth, connect to the earth. From time to time, Give back your borrowed body.
My body belongs to her. It all belongs to her. Remind yourself everyday. Fall in love over and over. head over heels in love. Be humble in love, humbled by love, rolling in the waves of love, ride the currents of love.

And Let love - be the roots of all action.

Sensitive souls are warrior souls.

'Congruence, agreement of harmony : compatibility.'

Beautiful sensitive warrior soul,  may this serve your precious heart.

I feel Unconscious fear based Human interaction is often mistaken for 'normal social situations'.
So I feel 'Normal social situations' can often be difficult.
I feel There are habitual patterns and habits of in-congruence everywhere. Auto pilot exists, and power struggles are rife. Unconscious projection is not uncommon. Loud Music, layers of talking, endless traffic.. sound vibrations hit my body like a constant internal earthquake!
I feel Being in the world can be tough for a sensitive soul.
Even when I don't understand it, I still feel it, for sure.  And it's uncomfortable.  I feel it inside. As if my nerves are exposed. There is a rawness to it. Feeling the outside - Inside. I feel This.

Its funny how my eyes and ears say all is well. In the world outside.

The outside- in,  however can be sharp, awkward, sad, hurried, manic, mismatched, uncompromising, inadequate, jealous, vicious even. I feel. I sometimes feel all is not well.

What I see outside, doesn't always match with what I feel inside. Confusion reigns.
For a long time, the longest time, within this confusion, when I felt misalignment, I thought I was feeling me.
I thought I was feeling me. Each painful comment, Each awkward glance, Every insecurity of every person in my vicinity, I thought I was feeling me. The relentless caffeinated mania, The ridiculous race for acceptance. I thought I was feeling me.  Every others hurt feeling, judgement, anger, bitterness, blame. I thought it was mine. And I took it on board. I took it all on board. Sensitive souls sometimes take too much on board. 
And I made myself wrong. Within the environment of human in-congruence, I made myself wrong because I couldn't align. My soul WOULD NOT align. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to find it easy. Like everybody else seemed to. I felt I was in-congruent. I was somehow lacking something.
My self worth was effected because I thought I was feeling me, when I wasn't feeling me. 
 I was feeling the outside In. I felt The Outside INSIDE.This can be difficult to discern sometimes.

In the quiet, in the stillness, when I feel into what is me. There is congruence. Neutrality. When I slip back into my natural state, in the quiet of my heart. Because my natural state is ease. And I am no different, from anyone else. Our natural state is ease. Our natural state is ease.

Recognise, all of us, Our natural state is ease. And we are harmonious. Congruent. Naturally. 


I feel My sensitive soul is learning to understand, I feel unconscious un-natural environments inside of me. I feel unconscious un-harmonious human interactions inside of me too.

Yet, It is not me. It is not me.

Some might say 'toughen up. I used to think this too. I say to this, 'With love, other self, its tougher still to remain true to self and really let yourself feel'. Not to join the crazy and switch my feelings off is the toughest challenge. To stand strong and not get swept along. So I hold.
In holding myself. I hold space for congruence. In my own small way.
In holding this understanding, of what is mine and what is not. I strengthen Through my sensitivity.
I feel many of us are more sensitive than we realise. We are stronger too than we are led to think.
Sensitive or otherwise I know we all long for, or aspire to harmony or congruence on many different levels.
Sensitive souls are warrior souls. They lead the way because they feel in-congruence first.
Know you are an emphatic sensitive congruent being, beautiful one.
Know what is yours. Know what is not yours. And most of all know it takes strength to be sensitive.
Sensitive souls are warrior souls.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE 💙

Reciprocity - The magic of trees

Today, someone I love was stubborn with me. She was struggling.
I felt my own impatience, my own frustrations, my own stubbornness swirling around my insides in reaction to her. I allow those feelings. They are not wrong. I cease to make myself wrong because of them. I hold those feelings close.  I recognise that they are mine.

They are mine.

 I refuse to project them onto her. She is a child. She is in distress the last thing she needs is my feelings too. Then divinity smiles . I move through my own difficulty. And I understand hers.
I don't have to try to love her, I just do. I love her in this moment, when she needs me to love her the most, because I have embraced myself -warts and all.
In every awareness I give to myself , the other receives.
This perfect stubborn angry child gave me a lesson, I'm blessed to receive.
There is no giving without receiving. There is no receiving without giving.
This is reciprocity. The magic of trees.

Meditation.

Binding the awareness.
into what is.
Concentration.
Meditation.
Calm.
Accepting I am both.  And both ways work. There are many roads.
Trusting the road I am on. What else is there? A longing for something I am not. Somewhere far away. Taking me away. Far from my heart.
Come back. Into what is.
Bind the awareness into what is here. Bind the awareness into what is good.
concentration.
Meditation.
Calm.

Echidna love!

Just done my practice. This week working with the energy of the Echidna. To be fair I don't know much about these little guys..funny little hedgehogs! Anyhow this morning asanas were all about the upper back, throat, rib-cage, heart chakra stuff.

Admittedly recently I've felt a lot going on here. All too aware of old pain, hangups, crap hanging around, cropping up, doing its thing. Strangely accompanied by feeling of expansion, sensations in my chest that are weirdly pleasurable considering there's a simultaneous feeling of emotional pain rising.

So I started to practice. Yeah there's emotional pain. But the body helps me along. She gives me a focus through which there is perspective..Something else apart from my story. My story waves Hello. Things I did I feel were wrong. Lies I told when I was young, that I have lost control of. People I wish I could call without the complications that would come. But also there is that feeling of space between the structures of my body, flooding with breath, Bursting old dams, Bringing new life.

The story informs as the body soothes. The story says 'I'm scared, scared to trust others with my heart, scared of the part I will play in my own annihilation'..inhalation...exhalation...let it go.....
I pray that I can surrender what is ready to leave, I feel the pain of gripping on..let it go...
I see my adult body, full of patterns that tell me its not safe. I think of my child self. The freedom of that physicality..pain free..free....let go...
I see the spines I have placed around myself. Mechanisms that are automatic and mostly unnecessary.
Let go... soften..its safe..surrender..
The prickles I feel with the external, the prickles I feel internal..they hurt me. They always block and hurt me first. So let them go. let them go. Soften. let go.

Bit by bit the body escapes me.. She starts to take the wheel..
Bliss, becoming the passenger.. the happy prisoner of Infinite space and endless love. I remember love.
Love is ever present in the space between the tiny contractions of illusory pain.. I remember a time in my story where I felt unconditionally loved, my back rubbed in circles, safe.
I feel life, chi, prana in my body, pulsation of energy, resonant with love.
What was not my friend becomes kind, understanding and congruent as I surrender to myself. As I fall deeper into heart. Heart expands beyond me. Heart is everywhere.
I have fallen back into love. It was always there. Love is always there.
I hold mudra and make sound. Sound comes from the heart. It sounds different to me when I sound in this way. From the heart. lovable loving and loved...

Funny little hedgehog!
 

Stories...

My life is a story.
And I always get to choose. I can be the victim of my story, or the hero. 
For me its always the characters that make a story special. The events are secondary. I mean, action stories can be meaningless if I don't relate to the characters. And something dull can be lit up by a person who is bright. 
My character lights my story regardless of my circumstance. Difficulties give me opportunity to be heroic. It doesn't matter if my story seems ordinary, because my story gives me a chance each day to be extraordinary. I love my story. It helps to deepen my character. Today I am the heroine. Tomorrow I read on...
Where would we be without our stories?

Somewhere

Where is this going?...Somewhere. Everything is going somewhere.