Just done my practice. This week working with the energy of the Echidna. To be fair I don't know much about these little guys..funny little hedgehogs! Anyhow this morning asanas were all about the upper back, throat, rib-cage, heart chakra stuff.
Admittedly recently I've felt a lot going on here. All too aware of old pain, hangups, crap hanging around, cropping up, doing its thing. Strangely accompanied by feeling of expansion, sensations in my chest that are weirdly pleasurable considering there's a simultaneous feeling of emotional pain rising.
So I started to practice. Yeah there's emotional pain. But the body helps me along. She gives me a focus through which there is perspective..Something else apart from my story. My story waves Hello. Things I did I feel were wrong. Lies I told when I was young, that I have lost control of. People I wish I could call without the complications that would come. But also there is that feeling of space between the structures of my body, flooding with breath, Bursting old dams, Bringing new life.
The story informs as the body soothes. The story says 'I'm scared, scared to trust others with my heart, scared of the part I will play in my own annihilation'..inhalation...exhalation...let it go.....
I pray that I can surrender what is ready to leave, I feel the pain of gripping on..let it go...
I see my adult body, full of patterns that tell me its not safe. I think of my child self. The freedom of that physicality..pain free..free....let go...
I see the spines I have placed around myself. Mechanisms that are automatic and mostly unnecessary.
Let go... soften..its safe..surrender..
The prickles I feel with the external, the prickles I feel internal..they hurt me. They always block and hurt me first. So let them go. let them go. Soften. let go.
Bit by bit the body escapes me.. She starts to take the wheel..
Bliss, becoming the passenger.. the happy prisoner of Infinite space and endless love. I remember love.
Love is ever present in the space between the tiny contractions of illusory pain.. I remember a time in my story where I felt unconditionally loved, my back rubbed in circles, safe.
I feel life, chi, prana in my body, pulsation of energy, resonant with love.
What was not my friend becomes kind, understanding and congruent as I surrender to myself. As I fall deeper into heart. Heart expands beyond me. Heart is everywhere.
I have fallen back into love. It was always there. Love is always there.
I hold mudra and make sound. Sound comes from the heart. It sounds different to me when I sound in this way. From the heart. lovable loving and loved...
Funny little hedgehog!
